Did the title throw you off a little? Well, let me elaborate. Many years ago before I was saved, I had a sort of spiritual awakening for a lack of a better term. I knew about God but I didn’t like religion and so I called myself spiritual. Yes, spiritual, what does that even mean? Now it seems a bit silly when I think about it. I guess, what I was trying to say was that I didn’t like religion, I didn’t want to be labeled a Christian, I didn’t want to follow anyone’s specific rules or guidelines to get closer to God. More specifically, I knew what some Christian based churches taught, which was baptism, fasting, praying, reading the bible and being part of a community, most of those things I mentioned I wasn’t willing to do, nor compromise about it. I literally prayed to God and said, I won’t get baptized and I won’t be part of a community where I have to serve or talk to anyone ( immature me), of course that only seemed to pull me farther apart from my purpose. Forward to present time, I’ve been baptized twice (once in the actual Jordan river) and have found an amazing community of people in my church that have welcome me in a way that I can’t explain with words but know in my heart was God sent. In my ” spiritual awakening” I had a long list of the things I didn’t want to do to get closer to God or to have peace in my heart and life, I had to many limitations and restrictions for God, all those things were walls that I had built myself to protect myself from the what if’s in my head, what if God isn’t real, what if the people at church hurt me, or lie to me, what if I’m not worthy or what If I open up and become vulnerable and I get taken advantage in my weakness. With all those walls, all those restrictions, all those conditions, getting closer to God and finding my purpose in this world was never going to work. So, I got lost in many religions, reading books, finding temples, yoga, magic, buddhism, healing myself affirmations, books on how to help myself find peace and all sorts of other stuff that only worked temporarily and when it went away left me feeling even worse. Where am I going with this, you can read all the self help books, all the autobiographies, you can do all the yoga and breathing exercises you want, WITHOUT GOD, IT WONT WORK! By no means am I saying reading self help books are bad, what I am saying (because it happened to me) is that the only way to start truly healing is to let your walls down, ask God to show you the truth. If Jesus is the your foundation, if God isnt number one in your life, and If you still have many conditions, you will never be truly happy. This life doesn’t work without God. Think about it, is there an area of your life where you just can’t seem to have peace in? Is there a wall? A condition you’re putting God? I know you want peace, I know you want to feel loved, appreciated, valued, noticed, I know you want to succeed, be fruitful, be blessed to be a blessing, I know you want to find your purpose, but I’m afraid it just won’t work without God. In my personal journey to findings who in was, I found that I can never walk this life again without my creator. I encourage you to let those walls fall and to just let God guide you into His will, let us pray.
My most amazing creator, my loving Father in heaven, I come to you, scared of the unknown, afraid of what you might reveal to me, afraid of getting hurt, afraid that I am not worthy, afraid that I don’t have enough faith, overwhelmed by this place I’m in because no matter how much I try to control or manipulate those things around me it just doesn’t bring peace. I am lost, I am drowning in a sea of hopelessness and I know that I am stubborn and I ask for forgiveness, I can’t do this alone anymore, I know that anything in my life will not work if you’re not involved. So, I’m inviting you into my life, into my heart, that you may search me and find within me not only that unwillingness to give my life completely to you but anything else that is keeping me from fulfilling my true purpose in your will and cast it out so that I may be delivered into your wonderful freedom and love. I am yours, and I know that without you, it just won’t work. In Jesus name Amen.