Today I wanted to share with you something that is very intimate for me, something that I treasure in my heart and is forever engraved in my thoughts.
When I was sick (cancer) and doctors didn’t know what was wrong and I knew something was very wrong, I felt death upon me as days, weeks and months passed and still no answer to my health deteriorating. It was a year exactly when I finally ended up one more time in the E.R and I was told that I had a tumor (no cancer, yet) I was immediately given a date for surgery which was just days away, I remember them saying that they couldn’t do a biopsy because if it was cancer then they would risk transferring it into other parts of my body. A month later, I was asked to meet with a specialist at the hospital which I did, I sat in the room waiting alone, as she walked in and sat in her chair, she turns and says to me that I have to undergo aggressive chemotherapy treatment, the tumor had been in my body way too long and developed cancer cells, the tumor had grown 11.8 inches and it touched and pushed my organs which caused me a lot of discomfort. I remember going back in my head and thinking of the day I knew there was something wrong but I didn’t know what, I remember asking God to reveal to me the illness, I asked Him to guide me to the right doctors, I asked Him to fill me with His courage and to help my family when I shared the news. That whole entire time, from the day I knew something was wrong to finding out what it was and what needed to be done, not once was I alone. God had sent someone who held my hand through the pain, through the confusion of not knowing what was wrong, through feeling of death at my door, through having to call two of my family members and say my will. He sent someone who even though at times I could not even speak a word from being overwhelmed with the news, just sat there in the quiet times with me. Someone who held my hand during the treatments, who was always front and center when I opened my eyes after having taking an ivy of Benadryl to help with the side effects of chemotherapy. He made sure I got to my treatments on time because if I didn’t I would have to start all over (and boy, was there obstacles getting me there). Someone who reassured me every step of the way that no matter what He would never leave my side. Someone who held me as my hair fell off my head in big chunks, someone who never judged me as I raged from the treatment messing with my thoughts and emotions. Someone who still saw the beauty inside when I felt tired, worn, distorted and ugly. He would talk until I fell asleep and He reminded me of who I was to God. That someone is MY Jesus.
This testimony is the short version, so many unbelievable things and incredible things happened in that journey but the point of this short story is, My Jesus came through. I called on Him everyday, and everyday He showed up. Are you in a place where you need to call Your Jesus? I promise He will show up. No matter how big or small your situation, (mine just happened to be big at that time) He will show up when you call on Him with all your heart. Let us pray,
My Jesus, please forgive me if I’ve been trying to do life all on my own. I need you to meet me where I am, Jesus the name above every other name. Jesus, King of Kings, Jesus, my savior, my comforter, my provider, my healer, my Lord. I call on you because I am weak right now, because I don’t have the answers, because I don’t have the solutions, because I am not strong, but You are. Here I am. I can’t do this on my own, I am tired, I don’t know where to go. Jesus, I know you hear me, I lift my hands to you and receive your rest and your peace. I receive your love, and your guidance. I need you in my life right now, I surrender my heart, mind and soul to you, let me shine for you, let me praise your name now because you have already triumphed, you already have the victory. Thank you, I love you. In your name I pray, Amen.